symbolism_egg: (mystified Jas (by me))
[personal profile] symbolism_egg
Summary: Fou bears a burdensome responsibility: explaining to Bak where babies come from.
Rating: PG-13 for minor sexual themes
Notes: A gift for [ profile] aorin107. Happy Birthday! Thanks for listening to me go off on wild tangents such as this one (and I will gladly keep doing the same for you).
Disclaimer: The D.Gray-man series and characters do not belong to me.

It was one of those days again.

There had been twenty-eight of those days so far, but Fou was dreading this one. The twenty-ninth came with a heavy burden entrusted only to her. That was why she was striding through the halls of the Asian Branch instead of emerging from the back wall of Bak’s office. She needed to work up her resolve.

Not that she would back down. It was her responsibility to the Chang Clan, dammit.

Was she there already? She pounded on the door with one fist, sleeve flopping.

“Yes? What is it?” replied Bak, the idiot under her protection.

Fou merged into the door and stuck her head into Bak’s office. “Me,” she said.

“That would explain why the hinges nearly fell off.”

“Don’t get all huffy at me,” said Fou, stepping out to stand in front of Bak’s massive desk. “I...I came to tell you something important.”

Bak drew himself up, or at least did his best. “Thank you, Fou. Today is a very special day. I will also accept cake and modest gifts.”

“Right, Happy Birthday and all that. I was talking about—”

Bak looked down at her and finally noticed that she wasn’t holding anything. “Wong brought me cake.”

“Am I Wong? Look, I don’t even eat, you idiot.” Great. She should have known he’d drag this out instead of letting her get it over with.

Bak frowned thoughtfully. “Good point. It would probably taste terrible.”

Fou sent a kick into the side of Bak’s desk and watched him jump. “Won’t you listen to me!? I said it’s important!”

“Fine, then hurry up and tell me what it is. I do have important duties to attend to, you know.”

Fou didn’t think receiving cake and gift from well-wishers, a good half of whom had likely been browbeaten into providing birthday wishes through the course of the last week, counted as important duties, but pointing this out would only make things take longer, so she didn’t. The truly important duty was hers. Bak had been proclaiming the coming of the glorious Chang-Lee dynasty for several months now. Since his hopeless idiot crush on the Exorcist girl had no hopes of fruition, and anyway his work occupied most of his hours, it wasn’t too pressing, but it was best to be prepared.

Although on second thought, stalling had a certain allure. No, thought Fou, and said, “Your father was going to tell you something on your twenty-ninth birthday.”

Bak had been looking down at a document with official seal poised, but for a moment he wasn’t looking at anything. “You have a message from my father? Why didn’t you….”

“He was going to tell you where babies came from,” said Fou. She bravely did not run straight back out.

Bak laughed. “Oh, of course I know that, Fou. He told me that when I was nine.”

Oh, thank God, thought Fou, and all the ancestors, especially this idiot’s immediate ones. So the ever-practical Edgar had overcome his desire to shelter Bak and shared the facts, so Fou didn’t—

“My mother and father conceived me with a kiss,” Bak said, near to bursting with generations of Chang Clan pride.

Godammit, Edgar, thought Fou. She could just picture him telling the small Bak this, then smiling at Tuyi and putting an arm around her shoulder. Tuyi would have smiled back, even. Tuyi, who had removed all materials deemed “vulgar” from the Asian Branch before Bak could read. Humans were kind of stupid like that. Why did they have to choose the most roundabout ways? Fou was left to straighten things out. Always.

“You idiot, that’s not even scientifically possible!” she yelled.

“Sh-shut up! I am a gifted scientist!” said Bak. He slammed the seal down on the top document, or possibly the desk.

“Then use logic for one minute!” Okay. Fou could calm down. She did. “That was only the summarized version. He was going to tell you the rest later.”


“Idiot,” added Fou, to make herself feel better. And to distract the idiot.

It wasn’t so long ago that Bak had turned two. (Another one of those days, twenty-seven times ago.) Tuyi and Edgar had been sitting in a more modest office down this very hall, watching a smaller and chubbier Bak holding the mouth of an empty flask in his fist and squinting at it. Fou was hidden the wall, guarding like a good Guardian should.

“I heard you were telling Huang’s son about the birds and the bees the other day,” Tuyi said, lips curved with a faint amused smile.

“Oh, well,” said Edgar, “these are important facts that everyone should know.” Embarrassed, he ran a hand through his shaggy hair.

“You’re not going to teach Bak about that anytime soon, are you now?”

“Hahaha, of course not! He’s our son.”

Tuyi’s smile grew. “Good. There are some things he’s best not knowing until he has to.” It had sounded to Fou like she had a definite mental list containing each and every of these things, and would be locking them all away in a drawer Bak couldn’t find.

“All too many of them,” Edgar sighed.

“Like mayonnaise.”

“What? Come now, it’s not so bad.”

A member of the staff rapped twice on the door, then opened it. He addressed Tuyi. “Your father would like to speak with you, ma’am.”

“All right.” She rose, and turned to address Edgar as she went. “It’s disgusting.”

“I like it.” He smiled pleasantly at her, and she laughed, just from being happy, so far as Fou could tell. She closed the door.

Bak was now trying to eat his hat. Fou stepped out of the wall and lifted it out of his reach. He stretched his hands upwards with a cry of complaint.

“So when’s a good time to teach your son about human reproduction?” asked Fou. She hadn’t been created for anything of the sort, and although, not being stupid, she’d learned the facts long ago, she didn’t know the answers to questions like these.

“Hmm.” Edgar looked down at his son. “I’ll have to discuss it with Tuyi.”

“Hey, that’s not an answer,” said Fou, flopping the hat around two feet above Bak’s head. He latched onto her sleeve instead and cackled in infant delight.

“In that case…I’d say twenty-nine is the perfect age.”

Sure, he’d probably chosen an age at random. He hadn’t even been near twenty-nine at the time. But here she was. With Bak staring at her expectantly.

“Bak,” she said. “When a baby…well, taking you as an example, when your mother and father fell in love, together they made…like so.” She waved her arms around. “The human body….”

At least he was listening, she’d give him that much.

“The woman has a body know, kind of like this one. And the man doesn’t. Then the infant inherits genes from both parents, which you know, because you constantly tell me,” said Fou. “Because they come together.”

She would rather be anywhere else than here and suspected this was making the words not come out right. Or she could have stayed in the wall and told him from where he couldn’t see her. As if she’d retreat now.

Bak was still staring.

“Then the sperm. And the, um. Pistil. If you look at flowers, two flowers in love—”

“Fou,” said Bak, “could you start over and explain this in a human language?”

Just when she’d almost finished! Fou fixed him with a glare. “You were born from an egg!” she said, and stomped out without opening the door.

So she couldn’t quite do it. It wasn’t her fault.

When you came down to it, though, Edgar and Tuyi had created an intelligent child (even if he was a colossal idiot sometimes). He’d figure it out.

Heartened by this, Fou drowsed off inside her gate.


Left alone in his office, Bak put a hand to his chin. Fou’s explanation held up against logic, because his father had told him, back when he was five, that a stork had carried him to his loving parents when they were newlyweds.

This, however, could not possibly be the entire story. He was not going to pursue the subject when Fou was in this bad temper. He would have to use other sources.

Bak recalled an entry of in his father’s diary. Explained to Yuu the facts of life today, his father had written, then fallen mysteriously silent.

Bak reached for the phone and dialed. His authority clearance as Branch Chief allowed him through to the golem, and he was rewarded with static.


“Kanda, I have a question….”


Fou for Aorin 2

(Fou version)

Date: 2010-07-10 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
O-Oh my lord... You--my dear---are absolutely fabulous. :D
-just--died, like seriously-

Just--the ending, especially. Kanda...oh, poor Kanda. I can'r help but picture his face there, too. Though I must admit, I'm a bit worried for Bak now... xD

Also. Fou's final attempt at an explanation. Brilliance. Pure, and utter brilliance. You are seriously my hero right now.
...Again. :'D

The picture, as well, is simply lovely. I love your use of shading, and colors, and just--guwaaah. -headdesk-

Sorry for the lack(?) of coherency in this comment, by the way. I'm dead tired, and half asleep. Was actually planning on reading this when I got up, after checking my f-list---but then I saw "Bak", and had to read. And then I read, and had to comment, and---yeah. You just made my life;;;


Date: 2010-07-11 03:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can't imagine what happens as a result of the phone call. A short explanation that explains everything, a short explanation that explains nothing, some future act of violence, or something too mysterious to contemplate? Or maybe Bak's phone will explode.

Fou may be a bit confused herself, although she IS quite flustered under the circumstances....

Glad you like the picture too. :) It was fun to color. I like shading skin and coloring things pastel shades.

And thank you for commenting and sharing your thoughts! *joy*


Date: 2010-07-10 05:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]


Let's start with the fic first, okay? I absolutely love how you portray them! Bak being dense, silly and hilariously narcissistic, Tuyi's overprotectiveness and Edgar's attempts at resourcefulness (and obviously failing XD) And of course, Fou being... well, Fou! XD

The family scene and the exchange between his parents were just adorable and heartwarming! And I love how Fou takes her job so seriously, and for once, actually failed at it. But she tried, oh how hard she tried~ XD No wonder she has to rest immediately, obviously explaining the facts of life to an idiot is much too taxing.

... Next time she should just show it to him, obviously nothing beats live demonstration! ;D /shot

I really love everything in this fic, every line! And this will continue to remind me why do I enjoy the Asian Branch so much XD Brilliance and idiocy in a package XD

And the last line was a killer! Oh Bak, this would end up being your last birthday 'one of those days' XD

And the picture? Oh gosh, you spoil me too much! ♥ This FORBIDDEN TEMPTATION is certainly much more appealing! XD Bak will never be able to resist it! XD Thank you so much for drawing it~ *3* I will treasure it!

Re: *~♥♥♥~*

Date: 2010-07-11 03:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm so happy that you like it! &hearts I've been wanting to do things for people on their birthdays (if I think of something fitting) since some people thought of me on mine. And after I told you this tale in pictorial form I may have mentioned that it could make a fun fic, too, so what better occasion?

The characters were fun to write--I love the Asian Branch characters even if they're not my usual subjects. <3 (Edgar and Tuyi have certainly increased my fondness, too...) Fou gave it a shot, and that's what counts!

If she doesn't the Chang Clan may have no future. Clearly she's GUARDING them! Feel free to write said fic. :P

Bak had to turn to the one person who does know. Not his fault it's Kanda.

Fou>>>>>>Earl's lap dance

I made a sketch of Edgar and Tuyi as well, but sadly, I couldn't get a result satisfactory enough to post. Maybe some other time.

SO HAPPY you enjoyed, and since it's still the 10th here, have another Happy Birthday. :D

Re: *~♥♥♥~*

Date: 2010-07-17 04:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can assure that this little piece will cheer me up every time I feel down and depressed (like now, but let's not get to that, I feel tired just thinking about it). It's really sweet of you to do this for others, hopefully I'll be able to do the same for you when your birthday comes around ;)

If inspiration stikes, I hope you'll have the chance to write them more often ;) But yes, what matters is Fou made the effort to enlighten Bak over such an embarrassing subject. Bak is just an idiot not to get the right signals XD

Fou must do it, for the sake of the Chang clan that she has sworn and born to protect! You can't rely on Bak to get this right on his own! XD

Common sense (and fear) tells me that you do not go to Kanda, even if he does know!

It's not even worthy of comparison!

*__* Please share when you feel like it! There's too litte of Edgar and Tuyi's sketches (and baby Bak with nanny Fou), I demand for more!


Re: *~♥♥♥~*

Date: 2010-07-17 05:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm glad to hear that it cheers you up, although I hope whatever unfortunate things have happened today clear up soon. Don't worry about reciprocating! I don't always manage that myself--although I hope I can think of something for [ profile] leafyaki, since she gave me baby crows! One of the reasons I planned for the approach of people's birthdays.

Inspiration levels are low, sadly. But you do know the setting of my current project....

Guardians have a broader job description than expected

There was a problem, and Kanda was the immediate solution, and men of awesome know no fear. Or common sense.

...Dance competition. I'm picturing one.

I'll see if I can make that sketch presentable, then. There were also time issues--I finished the fic with a week or so of extra time, and the Fou illustration on the day of, but I ended up walking down to the library to post it because my internet was down that day and I was afraid it wouldn't come back. I was like, "Damn, I have to get to a library computer before it closes!" Of course, when I came back home the internet was working again.


And just to counterbalance my below statement, I also write the most brilliant things ever. ;)

Date: 2010-07-13 10:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
...what the fuck?


That is all.

(It's a good thing.)


I lied.

lol poor Kanda.

That is all.


Date: 2010-07-13 07:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I...hope it's not too bad of a thing....

I swear I write the stupidest things ever. It's fun.

Maybe you should be feeling sorrier for Bak. >D

Date: 2010-07-13 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's not. :D do. XDD

Hm... Nah. That's no fun. He can take it.

Date: 2010-07-13 09:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I like and write srs too, and I have a strong and abiding love for angst, but crack has a special shrine in my heart.

Oh, he will.

Date: 2010-07-13 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Aha, yeah, crack is fun, but it was personally never my thing to write I think. xD I do so enjoy reading it though.


Date: 2010-07-13 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*nods* I do get the impression you tend towards more serious and realistic stories, with a lot of variety within that genre. :) (And not the super-serious dark kind where everyone dies painfully by the end of it.) It's so interesting to see fans' differing tastes in writing and reading.

I love reading crack and angst, but I'm most likely to read things that are short and funny and/or star my favorite character(s). I don't actually read that much fanfic.

Date: 2010-07-13 10:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*Takes that as a big compliment* Variety and realism is what I strive for~ Not so much for the super-serious dark stuff either. XDD I do have something a bit more darkish than usual coming up though~

Yeah, me neither, so we're the same there. xD

Date: 2010-07-13 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes--those are good things to work with/towards. I do like some dark and gritty stories, but in some cases (especially in fanfiction) it seems like the writer's trying too hard, which makes the violence and despair kind of ridiculous. Oh, a darkish story? Sounds like fun.

Should I finish my Big Bang fic, it'll be...well, "depressing" is probably the best word. Good luck with yours!

You too? Yeah. I read a lot of books, though.

Date: 2010-07-13 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Heh, I do enjoy reading those kind of things when they're well done, just not writing them so much... Or, I haven't really tried yet, and I feel like it might not quite be my thing but... well, I'm trying it out now so we'll see. xD

You too~ Looking forward to seeing what you come up with.

I don't read as much books as I'd like to. orz Feels like I don't have enough time.

Date: 2010-07-14 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah....Well, experimenting with something different can be fun.


I used to read a lot more in the past myself. I haven't even made it to the city library this summer, like I promised myself. Things have been busier than expected.

Date: 2010-07-14 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah~ It is fun.


I keep thinking to myself that I can read on the train I take to and from school, but instead I've begun writing since I so rarely do that in the afternoons during school and... When I have days off and such I want to write and agh. xD I do believe I would have time for reading, but I just suck in getting my ass to do things, borrowing books from the library included.


/tl;dr XDDD;;

Date: 2010-07-14 09:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I enjoy it. Although I never get around to so many of the ideas in my head.

Writing is an even more worthwhile pastime, I think. It's great you have that much motivation for it! But still, you should make time to borrow some books.

Maybe I'll make it down to the main library tomorrow. Or at least walk to the neighborhood branch.

Hurrah for tangents!

Date: 2010-07-15 12:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Me neither. x_X And some ideas aren't enough to make a whole fic and stuff fff.

Yeah, I do want to read more. xD So... I might get to it soon. Should take the chance during summer holidays.


lol xD

Date: 2010-08-19 07:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh those poor boys xDDD [especially Kanda... I really wonder what his reaction was to Bak's phone call xDDD]

And just... I think teaching your child about the birds and the bees at twenty nine isnt the best idea.. though i need to worry for Bak now @_@

Awesome job though, I lol'd like, super hard xDDD

Date: 2010-08-20 02:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
His reaction might involve instantaneous long-distance death...who knows? I'll leave it to your imagination. >D

Yes, it's not a very good survival strategy, and so embarrassing to the 29-year-old concerned. Let this be a lesson to us all.

Awesome--thanks for reading!

Date: 2010-08-23 06:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Pfffffffffffft, Lol xDDD *is imagining it*

Indeed... I wonder what Bak's reaction would be once he actually found out... I think it will include stuttering and Bak passing out xD

You're very welcome! c:


symbolism_egg: (Default)

February 2011

13141516 171819

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 05:27 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios